Stuck. Sometimes. Isn’t everybody?
Caught between wanting to share the unfolding of my caregiving journey for my husband — the pivots, the changes, the hard-earned wisdom — and simply telling you what’s going on in our lives right now. I’ve always felt more comfortable writing about it than speaking about it, yet I will say the stories do come alive when spoken. I’ll get to that part eventually.
Tonight, like many nights, I sit at the computer and write. It’s a cross between satisfaction and catharsis. I’m only satisfied when the story comes out authentically and truthfully — without throwing anyone under a bus, and without avoiding the difficult revelations. It’s tricky business, but fun in an odd way.
It borders on writing a journal for anyone in the world to read. That’s the scary part. Once it’s online, it’s forever. So I’m careful while I proceed.
A Breather
I took a little break in August and September. Part of the reason is that my video and music recording person moved to Alaska. I miss him, and hopefully we’ll create together again someday. If not, there’s a reason — and a pivot to something else. Scarier, probably.
I have the next part of the caregiving journey drafted, but I didn’t like how it came out. So I might digress, fast‑forward, and give you a glimpse into today’s world instead. Right now my life revolves around three things: my health, my husband’s care, and then the rest of the world. The first one is a biggie — staying healthy while providing round‑the‑clock care. I’ve been fortunate to craft a pretty decent lifestyle even though I’m kind of stuck. I’d love to take a short vacation somewhere, but it’s not easy lining up 24‑hour care, and the memory unit isn’t always available. The last few times I tried, it wasn’t. So instead I’ve created a lifestyle of satisfaction within these four walls, with the occasional escape to run errands.
Boring? A little.
Cyclical? Absolutely.
But I know this season will come out in future songs, future blogs, future paintings. For now I struggle with the normal things: meal planning, house cleaning, yard work, family relationships, appointments, and doing something that matters every day. Even though I might start out with a plan, something usually changes it. But the things that matter to me — daily exercise, sun when I can get it, nutritious meals for both of us, being available for friends and family, and finding an ear when I need one — those stay steady.
Such is the life of a “retired” person who still has lots of interests and responsibilities.
If you relate to being stuck, share with me how you find your way through, moments when you can take a deep breath. I’d love to hear from you. Leave me a comment.
#InspirationalCaregiving